When I Say....

There was a blog post on The Leaky B@@b recently that I loved. It talked about common things that breastfeeding supporters say that sometimes hurt the feelings of/rile up/piss off formula moms. I wanted to make a similar post about natural birth supporters and mothers and those who get mad at their stories. Here is goes:

"Having a Natural Birth was the most special experience of my life."

 Translation: This does not mean that we think any birth that is not natural is not special. We simply mean what the statement says - we truly feel that our birth was amazing and it was made so not just because the baby came out of the deal, but because we had the natural birth we wanted/hoped/planned for. This does not mean that your cesarean section or medicated birth was any less special. This statement is not about you.

"I would never give birth in a hospital."

Translation: This means that I would not have a birth in a hospital (barring major medical need). This does not mean that I think no one should go the hospital. This does not mean that the person saying this is judging your choice to be in a hospital. This statement does not mean that I think home birth is for everyone....I am simply saying that it is for me. This also does not mean that you should start throwing out emergency situations - trust me, I know all about what an emergency would be (and they do not include full term babies, breech, or full term twins). This statement is not about you.

"I didn't want to hand my birth over to a doctor."

Other common phrases that come with this, or close to it, include: "I would not want someone bothering me all the time", "I don't want to be told what I can/can not do in labor", "I don't want to fight for my birth and labor." Translation: This means that I think that in a hospital this would happen. I simply mean that I don't want to do that. Period. This does not mean that I am calling you a sheep-person who follows hospital orders. This statement is not about you.

"I was so amazed at the power of my body."

Translation: This one is simple. My natural birth gave me an insight into my body and the wisdom it has. I didn't need anyone to tell me how to labor, when to labor, how fast to labor, or where to do it. This is a statement of a woman who was changed and empowered by birth. If you have an issue with this statement, it is probably because you are not happy with your birth experience. This statement is not about you.

Do you see a pattern? These statements, which tend to get so much fire and hate in a birth-sharing situation, are not about you. A natural birth mom has every right to say these things, and they are not a judgement. They are about her birth from her perspective. Why is it that mothers who love to tell stories about their "horrific", "horrible", "long", "painful" births can tell their story without issue (normally to a pregnant woman), but a natural birth story is a judgement? Perhaps you are jealous.


Disclaimer: I realize that my post has a bit more snark than the original post that sparked this (posted above). What can I say, I have some strong feelings about this and have had some bad run-ins with people over my birth story.

WTF of the Week

Breastfeeding rates across the nation...guess who is the lowest?

MISSISSIPPI. Which would be the state I live in.

Only 8% of moms are still providing the most wonderful, all powerful, mommy milk at 12 months.

I am one of those moms. I hope to bring more into the fold with me.

Not only does MS have one of the highest teen pregnancy rates, highest obesity rates, and some of the lowest incomes in the nation...but we have more formula fed babies than anywhere else too. Great. Put that on the brochures.

Facebook, Banning, Breastfeeding

Okay, so recently there has been an "outbreak" of banning on Facebook. What are these people being banned for? Trashy pics? Showing nudity? Horrible cursing and nasty/hateful statuses? Guess again.

Breastfeeding pictures.

Moms are being banned, and groups being closed, because of breastfeeding photos. Now I am not talking about nipple showing photos...I am not talking about pictures of milk dripping everywhere....I am talking about pictures of a baby nursing. A baby doing what babies do. A mother doing what mothers do. And these women are being banned.

A mother in my FB mom group posted this picture:

Please leave her watermark if you repost this.

And she was banned. Someone on her friends list reported this photo. Someone at Facebook actually looked at this and thought the reporting was correct and needed and banned her. Can someone explain to me why?

Most people would not even realize she was nursing...even I, who nurses my son everyday, did not even notice until all this happened and I looked at it again. Yet someone felt the need to be so "offended" and report it. Now people can post pictures of their *almost* showing genitals, pictures of a girl standing with only her hands covering her breasts (with no nursing baby in site...in other words no reason to have your boobs out on Facebook), skimpy bathing suits, erotic pictures, lingerie pictures, etc...but breastfeeding pictures are not allowed?

Breastfeeding in America will never become normalized in public and the media if a place like Facebook does this. Did you know that by numbers Facebook is the 3rd largest country in the world? If the 3rd largest country in the world is saying that it is not normal and is scandalous, then what do we expect others to think? When social media is just a driving force in our lives, we need to take a stand for mothers and babies.

If someone can explain to me why nursing pictures are so offensive, please enlighten me.

Oh, and here is one of mine....shocking!

By the way, my mommy friend did get her account back. If you know someone who has been banned for a breastfeeding photo, please let me know, as well as pages like "The Leaky Boob".

What? Do you think you are going to get a medal or something?

Natural Birth. No drugs. No epidural. Just you and your body.

When a mother says she wants to do that, one of the many comments thrown out is the above - "You are not going to get a medal...just take the drugs and be comfortable."

You know what. I do want a medal. But not for the birth. The birth was wonderful. The birth was empowering. The birth showed me a side of myself that I have never met before. The birth made a mother out of a girl, a family out of a couple, and brought my son to the other side to meet us face to face. I don't need a medal for that.

However, I think I need a medal for standing up for the OB we saw who laughed at my desire for a natural birth. I deserve a medal for proving to my peers that birth is not trial or a pain, it is a passage. I deserve a medal for fighting my insurance company to cover my midwife. I deserve a medal for standing against the tide of society and doing what was best for my baby, my self, and my family. I deserve a medal for continuing to have the courage to tell my birth story to anyone who will listen and also share my breastfeeding experience.

I think that mothers need to understand that you don't have to be humble about your natural birth. How is the world supposed to know that it was beautiful if you don't tell them? My telling my birth story is not to "hate on" mothers who didn't do it that way. It is not about you. It is not a judgement on you. Why should you get to tell your traumatic birth story to every pregnant woman you meet, like some war story, but I cannot share mine?

WTF of the day...

Two WTFs really.

1) A good male friend of mine told me that I am the only woman he has meet (ever) that breastfeeds her child. WTF my town is messed up.

2) He told me that at a local hospital, the OB told his son's mother not to breastfeed (after she said she wanted to) because it will give her breast cancer. WTF WTF WTF....and for good measure....WTF. What do they learn in medical school? And this doc was young, in his thirties...not from the "formula 50's" era.

This is why I actually talk more to men about breastfeeding than anyone else in my life. They have to understand it and know it is normal before they can support the wives/mothers in their life. My husband's support has helped me so much in getting over the few rough patches of breastfeeding.