When I Say....

There was a blog post on The Leaky B@@b recently that I loved. It talked about common things that breastfeeding supporters say that sometimes hurt the feelings of/rile up/piss off formula moms. I wanted to make a similar post about natural birth supporters and mothers and those who get mad at their stories. Here is goes:

"Having a Natural Birth was the most special experience of my life."

 Translation: This does not mean that we think any birth that is not natural is not special. We simply mean what the statement says - we truly feel that our birth was amazing and it was made so not just because the baby came out of the deal, but because we had the natural birth we wanted/hoped/planned for. This does not mean that your cesarean section or medicated birth was any less special. This statement is not about you.

"I would never give birth in a hospital."

Translation: This means that I would not have a birth in a hospital (barring major medical need). This does not mean that I think no one should go the hospital. This does not mean that the person saying this is judging your choice to be in a hospital. This statement does not mean that I think home birth is for everyone....I am simply saying that it is for me. This also does not mean that you should start throwing out emergency situations - trust me, I know all about what an emergency would be (and they do not include full term babies, breech, or full term twins). This statement is not about you.

"I didn't want to hand my birth over to a doctor."

Other common phrases that come with this, or close to it, include: "I would not want someone bothering me all the time", "I don't want to be told what I can/can not do in labor", "I don't want to fight for my birth and labor." Translation: This means that I think that in a hospital this would happen. I simply mean that I don't want to do that. Period. This does not mean that I am calling you a sheep-person who follows hospital orders. This statement is not about you.

"I was so amazed at the power of my body."

Translation: This one is simple. My natural birth gave me an insight into my body and the wisdom it has. I didn't need anyone to tell me how to labor, when to labor, how fast to labor, or where to do it. This is a statement of a woman who was changed and empowered by birth. If you have an issue with this statement, it is probably because you are not happy with your birth experience. This statement is not about you.

Do you see a pattern? These statements, which tend to get so much fire and hate in a birth-sharing situation, are not about you. A natural birth mom has every right to say these things, and they are not a judgement. They are about her birth from her perspective. Why is it that mothers who love to tell stories about their "horrific", "horrible", "long", "painful" births can tell their story without issue (normally to a pregnant woman), but a natural birth story is a judgement? Perhaps you are jealous.


Disclaimer: I realize that my post has a bit more snark than the original post that sparked this (posted above). What can I say, I have some strong feelings about this and have had some bad run-ins with people over my birth story.

Facebook, Banning, Breastfeeding

Okay, so recently there has been an "outbreak" of banning on Facebook. What are these people being banned for? Trashy pics? Showing nudity? Horrible cursing and nasty/hateful statuses? Guess again.

Breastfeeding pictures.

Moms are being banned, and groups being closed, because of breastfeeding photos. Now I am not talking about nipple showing photos...I am not talking about pictures of milk dripping everywhere....I am talking about pictures of a baby nursing. A baby doing what babies do. A mother doing what mothers do. And these women are being banned.

A mother in my FB mom group posted this picture:

Please leave her watermark if you repost this.

And she was banned. Someone on her friends list reported this photo. Someone at Facebook actually looked at this and thought the reporting was correct and needed and banned her. Can someone explain to me why?

Most people would not even realize she was nursing...even I, who nurses my son everyday, did not even notice until all this happened and I looked at it again. Yet someone felt the need to be so "offended" and report it. Now people can post pictures of their *almost* showing genitals, pictures of a girl standing with only her hands covering her breasts (with no nursing baby in site...in other words no reason to have your boobs out on Facebook), skimpy bathing suits, erotic pictures, lingerie pictures, etc...but breastfeeding pictures are not allowed?

Breastfeeding in America will never become normalized in public and the media if a place like Facebook does this. Did you know that by numbers Facebook is the 3rd largest country in the world? If the 3rd largest country in the world is saying that it is not normal and is scandalous, then what do we expect others to think? When social media is just a driving force in our lives, we need to take a stand for mothers and babies.

If someone can explain to me why nursing pictures are so offensive, please enlighten me.

Oh, and here is one of mine....shocking!

By the way, my mommy friend did get her account back. If you know someone who has been banned for a breastfeeding photo, please let me know, as well as pages like "The Leaky Boob".

WTF of the day...

Two WTFs really.

1) A good male friend of mine told me that I am the only woman he has meet (ever) that breastfeeds her child. WTF my town is messed up.

2) He told me that at a local hospital, the OB told his son's mother not to breastfeed (after she said she wanted to) because it will give her breast cancer. WTF WTF WTF....and for good measure....WTF. What do they learn in medical school? And this doc was young, in his thirties...not from the "formula 50's" era.

This is why I actually talk more to men about breastfeeding than anyone else in my life. They have to understand it and know it is normal before they can support the wives/mothers in their life. My husband's support has helped me so much in getting over the few rough patches of breastfeeding.

Guess who has two thumbs and is looking for a new doctor? I am!

So finally heard back from my son's doctor. Or rather from the office of the doctor. Here is what they had to say:

1) Be more specific when you make an appt...as if "I want to see Dr. _____" is not enough.

2) We use the charts from 1982, everyone does. I am not going to look up other charts. (in other words, I am not going to research the merit of the WHO charts for breastfed babies, b/c I just don't car).

3) We always forcibly retract the foreskin at every visit to check for adhesions or infections. Never mind that the AAP does not suggest this, and many research reports. Never mind that doing that can cause adhesions and infections. Never mind that as a parent you do not want me to do that.

I am so fed up with doctors not caring enough to listen to concerns and just doing what they want to do. I am tired of them not explaining things before doing them to our babies. I am tired of being treated as crazy for being interested in my son's health apart from "whatever you think is best doctor". I have a brain, I do my research, and I am a mother who needs your brain working as well.

I am never taking him to that office again. Ever. Even if all the other's burned down or went out of business.