When I Say....

There was a blog post on The Leaky B@@b recently that I loved. It talked about common things that breastfeeding supporters say that sometimes hurt the feelings of/rile up/piss off formula moms. I wanted to make a similar post about natural birth supporters and mothers and those who get mad at their stories. Here is goes:

"Having a Natural Birth was the most special experience of my life."

 Translation: This does not mean that we think any birth that is not natural is not special. We simply mean what the statement says - we truly feel that our birth was amazing and it was made so not just because the baby came out of the deal, but because we had the natural birth we wanted/hoped/planned for. This does not mean that your cesarean section or medicated birth was any less special. This statement is not about you.

"I would never give birth in a hospital."

Translation: This means that I would not have a birth in a hospital (barring major medical need). This does not mean that I think no one should go the hospital. This does not mean that the person saying this is judging your choice to be in a hospital. This statement does not mean that I think home birth is for everyone....I am simply saying that it is for me. This also does not mean that you should start throwing out emergency situations - trust me, I know all about what an emergency would be (and they do not include full term babies, breech, or full term twins). This statement is not about you.

"I didn't want to hand my birth over to a doctor."

Other common phrases that come with this, or close to it, include: "I would not want someone bothering me all the time", "I don't want to be told what I can/can not do in labor", "I don't want to fight for my birth and labor." Translation: This means that I think that in a hospital this would happen. I simply mean that I don't want to do that. Period. This does not mean that I am calling you a sheep-person who follows hospital orders. This statement is not about you.

"I was so amazed at the power of my body."

Translation: This one is simple. My natural birth gave me an insight into my body and the wisdom it has. I didn't need anyone to tell me how to labor, when to labor, how fast to labor, or where to do it. This is a statement of a woman who was changed and empowered by birth. If you have an issue with this statement, it is probably because you are not happy with your birth experience. This statement is not about you.

Do you see a pattern? These statements, which tend to get so much fire and hate in a birth-sharing situation, are not about you. A natural birth mom has every right to say these things, and they are not a judgement. They are about her birth from her perspective. Why is it that mothers who love to tell stories about their "horrific", "horrible", "long", "painful" births can tell their story without issue (normally to a pregnant woman), but a natural birth story is a judgement? Perhaps you are jealous.


Disclaimer: I realize that my post has a bit more snark than the original post that sparked this (posted above). What can I say, I have some strong feelings about this and have had some bad run-ins with people over my birth story.

My thoughts on ABORTION

That's right...I said it. Abortion. That thing you are not supposed to talk about. Because it makes people mad. It makes people defensive. So, I'm going to talk about it.

My basic thoughts on abortion are this: I don't agree with it for me, personally. I think that it should be reserved for A) Rape or incest cases, where the mother feels emotionally unable to carry to term; B) Major medical issues for mother or baby, meaning that mother or baby would be killed/maimed/harmed from the birth. I can say now that "I would never have an abortion", but I have also never been in a situation where I would have to consider one. If I were to find out that (God forbid) my next child were to be born with a massive physical deformity that would render their life painful, I don't know what I would do.

Now, the bigger reason that I want to discuss this.

The point of allowing abortion in the first place, was to give women the ultimate control over their body and reproduction. This allowed women to chose, safely, to not have a child that they did not want or could not take care of. Some people may not understand that stance, but that is the basis of why abortion is legal.

Now, if you take that right away, then you have to ask the question....who is in control of the woman's body? The woman? The baby? The medical world? The government? And where does that control stop? Where is the line drawn? Is birth control outlawed? Technically, you are "aborting" a pregnancy before it has a chance to start, if you think that conception is the start of life. It is common knowledge that the egg and sperm meet before the body is "pregnant" (they meet in the Fallopian tubes). The fertilized egg has to implant into the side of the uterus before the body recognizes that you are pregnant. Birth control stops an egg from being able to implant (by messing with the lining that it would implant in). So by not letting that fertilized egg implant, you are stopping that baby from growing and ultimately being born. So if abortion is outlawed, it is only one more step to outlawing birth control.

With those two steps, a woman has little control over her reproduction. Now lets take it to the next step.

A woman gets pregnant, whether on purpose or not. She receives prenatal care, and comes to the end of the journey and gives birth. How does she give birth? Can she have a home birth? Use a birth center? Use a midwife at all? Can she decide to have a Cesarean Section if that is what she wants? If we do not have control over our reproduction anymore, then who is to say that we have control over how the birth happens? Where is happens? With who?

Did you know that even now, a woman can be forced by court order to have a Cesarean Section against her will? Such as this case. There are also untold cases of women who are coerced into a cesarean by her doctor, as the stories on sites such as The Unnecesarean share from women all over. Women are basically forced by hospitals and the "establishment" to have multiple Cesareans based on guidelines given by ACOG (even though with every Cesarean, the risk of complications rises). Very few hospitals allow VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean), even though they are a much safer option for most mothers based on research. These women are forced to either go it alone or bend to the will of the doctors and hospitals if they have no other options in the area (such as a midwife who takes on VBACs).

Many states still "outlaw" homebirth, or make it very hard for midwives to practice. This means that the choice in birth is taken away for many women. If you do not have access to choice, then you have no choice.

Where do we draw the line? Where do we think that the government will draw the line? I am not willing to let them draw that line on me, my body, my baby, or my family. If agreeing to keep abortion legal and safe means that my other reproductive and bodily rights are respected, then so be it.