2012 UnPaper Challenge!

Alright folks, here is my New Year's resolution:

We are going to UnPaper for 2012.

What is unpaper-ing you ask? Well, it is basically what it sounds like. You try to eliminate excess paper usage from your home. For most people the easiest way to do this is to start with paper towels. Think about it...paper towels are probably the most wasteful (and most easily replaced) paper product in our homes. You use them clean up the counter or stove, to wipe or dry your hands. You can easily replace that with cloth.

Many people love to use old prefolds, Gerber birdseye flats (you can get those super cheap), old t-shirts, cheap washcloths (like the 10 packs at Target or WalMart), and many other cotton fabrics. You can even purchase special sets of unpaper towels from sellers on etsy that snap together and can go on a paper towel holder.  I am going to be using some of the cheap washcloths, some Gerber flats, and eventually getting around to making some "pretty" ones for when guests come over to use just for napkins. Any cotton fabric will work, for many a "pretty" set would be made of a nice print flannel on one side, and a terry cloth on the other. I personally love micro-terry (like what baby towels are made of).

The next step for many is to use cloth wipes in the bathroom. Some people are weirded out by this, but it is a logical next step, especially if you are already dealing with cloth diapers. Many people still keep toilet paper in the house for guests or for really um...messy...bathroom visits. Basically you would keep a basket of wipes near the toilet, either pre-moistened with a wipe solution or with a squirt bottle to wet them before use. We are going to start slow on this goal, using them mostly for "number 1s" and going from there.

Other ways to cut down on paper is to buy things that are packaged with a minimum of waste, using "mama cloth" (washable cloth pads), cloth diapering, and generally cutting down on paper use in your printer and other places. Save your paper and put your grocery list on your phone as a memo.

If you have any tips or want to join, please comment below! 

A year of breastfeeding!

As of my son's birthday (yesterday) we made it to a year of breastfeeding. We are still going strong and I have no intention of weaning him any time soon, but our official goal was a year.

Through the tough early days, the many nights of nursing a wiggly baby, all the way to the toddler antics and gymnastics, I knew that we would make it to a year. We set a goal and reached it.

I would like to thank the midwife and supporting cast who made sure that he was nursing within minutes of being born. I would like to thank my husband in a huge way...he was there to encourage and tell me how proud he was (and tell other people too!). I would also like to thank every mom who breastfeeds, every mom I have seen nurse in public, and every wonderful comment I have gotten about it. It erases the bad comments/looks I have gotten from a few random people.

If anyone has questions about breastfeeding...please send them my way. I would love to help another mother reach her goal.

The Full Birth Story of my Son

This is the story of August’s Birth, both from what I wrote a few days after and what I am adding from memory as of his first birthday. The “added” parts will be [in brackets].

Well August – you are here! You were born on December 29^th, 2010 at 2:57pm. You weighed 6lbs 1oz and were 19 inches long. As I write this, you are laying on the bed in front of me, yawning and looking so heavenly.

On the 28^th, we went in for our midwife appointment. Though I was 2cm dilated and about 70% effaced, she said not to worry, that I wouldn’t be going into labor any time soon…well your daddy and I went into Orlando after the appointment and walked around IKEA [I really wanted the Swedish meatballs, and it was our favorite place to walk. We were at IKEA for about 2 hours.] and the Florida Mall [we were there for about another two hours]. My back was hurting more than usual but I just thought it was because of all the walking. [Now that I look back on it, I had to stop walking often, every few minutes. I was in early labor and thought I was just having back spasms again. Little did I know.]

We came home and had dinner [pork chops, mashed potatoes and gravy, and broccoli, which I cooked] and turned in early. I was very excited about the baby shower the next day. Around 10pm, I started to have contractions, mostly in my lower back. At first I thought it was nothing [more back spasms, which were off and on all evening] but I had timed them anyway. They were lasting about one minute and were about 10 minutes apart. That is the pattern of early labor! I let your dad sleep since I knew he would need it later, and I tried to sleep as well [I was hoping that this would just go away, since I wanted to go the baby shower the next day]. I was woken up at 2:30am with stronger contractions.

I lay in bed and timed those contractions for about an hour. Lasting one minute and only 5 minutes apart – active labor! I decided to go to the bathroom and maybe a shower before waking your dad [Again, I was hoping it would go away. I knew that to make sure it wasn’t a “false alarm” that I could go the bathroom, have some water, and take a shower or bath and see if it died down]. I got to the bathroom and my water broke [Everywhere, movie style]! I carefully walked back to the bedroom and woke David – it was time to go. Luckily your dad thought ahead and already had your bag and mine in the car. [We also got towels for the car, since I was still leaking fluid every time I had a contraction.] We stopped for some Gatorade [Mommy Power Juice!] and hit the road.

The midwife Michelle Gawne was surprised to see us in labor – she had just had our appointment that day. By the time we got there the contractions were about 3 minutes apart and lasting 30 seconds to a minute each [I would say that the car ride was the most uncomfortable part since I couldn’t move or sway with each one. I plugged into my HypnoBirthing and just zoned out totally while your dad drove and called the family]. I was checked for dilation – I was about 6cm I think, and then I got into the Jacuzzi tub. [I also had an IV line put in just long enough to get some medicine in for GBS to protect you just in case, but they put it in pretty fast and then took the line out…Mommy hates needles and IVs.]It was about 4:40am. Your Grandma Michelle got there about 30 minutes later. While your dad and I worked through the contractions we listened to soft music [Lots of Cory Smith, Jewel, Counting Crows, and others from our favorite soft rock groups] and the HypnoBirthing CD [which we had practiced with every night since about the sixth month of the pregnancy]. I was able to stay calm and quiet for most the labor and birth because your dad was such a calming presence. [Your dad was the only person who could tell when I was having a contraction for most of the labor] I had to get in and out of the tub a few times because I was getting too hot, but you were just fine. [Fun fact, the way that I helped to zone out during contractions got more interesting as time went on. Eventually I was having your dad pour cold water slowly down my face during each one. Don’t know why…but it felt perfect.]

At around 10am, things started to get more intense. You were trying to start moving down and I was almost fully dilated. I was in and out of the tub a few more times to try other positions to help you move down. [I really lost track of time, we were in labor at the birth center for about 11-12 hours, but it felt like only a couple of hours to me – I just sort of zoned out.]

I am not sure what time it was, but I started to feel a lot of pressure…that was you moving down into the birth canal. I began to feel the urge to push.  I moved all around. I used the birth stool (not my favorite), the ball, standing, hands and knees on the bed. You would not move down for anything. We figured out that you were stuck at the pubic bone, and tried some more moving. After what seemed like a lifetime, we decided to quickly flip me from hands and knees to laying down flat on my back. With that quick movement - I could feel you make that last turn and start to crown! At this point the crowning/pushing felt like a lifetime. [I only pushed for 15-20 minutes, so it was definitely not a lifetime]. Your dad held my hand and supported my right leg while I started to really push you out. Feeling your little head gave me the power to get you into my arms. It was not the most comfortable feeling in the world, but it wasn’t pain. It was intense and too much to wrap my mind around. I sort of went into some other part of me and knew what to do [The way I would describe it is that my “wild woman” came out and took care of business]. You started your way out and I called for you. It was the most powerful moment I have ever felt. I yelled for you and held out my arms for you. They laid you on my chest and I loved you with every fiber of my being. [You stayed there on my chest for over an hour. Your father and I just admired you and you had your first meal at my breast only minutes after coming into the world. No one poked you, rubbed you, cleaned you, messed with you, until we got our time to meet each other and have a calm hour to ourselves. It was bliss. I cannot even imagine someone taking you from my arms at that time, and I am so glad that we were with a midwife and not in a hospital where they would have taken you away to “check you” before we got our time. You were not removed from my arms or your fathers for about 3 hours after your birth. Those first moments of your life, when we just breathed each other in and gazed at each other are moments that changed my life forever.]



Please ignore the really glamorous hair/face...I had just given birth. :)



It seems that we waited so long for you, and now I can’t believe you are here! I look at you and see a miracle – a little piece of your father and I’s love in the most adorable package. I love you August and I always will, more than you will ever know.

Love, Your mom

Booby Traps, WHO Code, and Me

Okay, so today I got formula samples in the mail.

For the record, my son and I are about a week away from our 1 year exclusive breastfeeding goal. I have never been interested in formula...I have never asked for it. Not once.

Now this is not the first time I have gotten formula in the mail. When my son was only a week old, we received three full size cans of Enfamil in the mail. I gave them away to a mother I knew was using formula already.

I don't know if you are familiar with the term "Booby Traps" - but basically it is the traps that are created by the formula companies/doctors/hospitals/society for moms and babies that confuse or stop the breastfeeding relationship, before it even has a chance to start. A great example of this is free formula given out in the hospital and the "swag bags" that moms take home that are filled with formula and marketing information from formula companies. Here are some great articles about Booby Traps from some other blogging moms and lactivists:

From Best for Babes, which is a great site in general.
From Crunchy Domestic Goddess, has a GREAT post about Booby Traps (this is a great blog in general).

Now many times, if a mom mentions Booby Traps and how they are wrong, she is labeled as a formula hater. She is told she is making formula feeding mothers feel guilty, that she is not helping anyone, etc, etc. I know. I was told that today on a Facebook forum that is supposed to be about talking about breastfeeding and related topics.

The same thing happens when a person says that the WHO International Code for the Marketing of Breast-Milk Substitutes (here - and you have to scroll down when it opens). This code basically sets up the standards under which formula companies worldwide should be marketing their product...which is basically not to market it at all. This is to protect families and the general public from the false information that are made in the ads and publications they put out, as well as protecting them from the free swag they send to everyone.

Let me state this: I am not "against" formula feeding mothers. I am not looking to start a fight. However, I am against any company, entity, or person sending out false information to mothers, families, and babies. That is what formula companies do. That is what happens. Now, yes, there are many women who can make the choice and educated one - they do independent research and decide for themselves how they want to feed their child. However, there are many, many more women who do not know that they need to think about how to feed their child. They do what society and the hospital tells them. Now, society and the hospital may say "Breast is best", but then they give you a bag of formula. What message does that send? So a women accepts it and never considers that she has another choice, and that there are people who will support it whole heartily.

Other people try to say that if you want to breastfeed, a free formula sample is not going to make a difference. Maybe for some that is true. However, for some women, they may be hearing from family "let me feed the baby, just give her a bottle"...the formula is sitting there in the swag bag, and it might start to look tempting...then it is just one bottle...but then it is another so that Grandma can feed baby again...and again. Then the mother's milk supply drops in those first weeks, and the baby doesn't gain as much. The doctor tells the mother that she is not making enough and that she should supplement with more formula. Her supply drops more...and more...and finally, she stops breastfeeding. With her next child, she may not even try since she feels like a failure from the first experience. 

I would also like to point out that all the samples, swag bags, and marketing are driving up the cost of the formula that many families do choose to (or need to) use. Who do you think pays for all that marketing? The families pay for it in the price of the formula.

Bottom line. I believe in choice. I also believe that we have to have our eyes open to the harm that formula "booby traps" can cause for many mother/baby pairs. In this day and age, we have a choice - breastmilk, formula, or a mixture of the two. That choice should be able to be made without a formula company whispering in your ear. (Or you mother, husband, doctor, or hospital for that matter).

I encourage all of you to look at the full list of "booby traps" for mothers and babies. Arm yourself with information and have your eyes wide open.

WTF of the day...

Two WTFs really.

1) A good male friend of mine told me that I am the only woman he has meet (ever) that breastfeeds her child. WTF my town is messed up.

2) He told me that at a local hospital, the OB told his son's mother not to breastfeed (after she said she wanted to) because it will give her breast cancer. WTF WTF WTF....and for good measure....WTF. What do they learn in medical school? And this doc was young, in his thirties...not from the "formula 50's" era.

This is why I actually talk more to men about breastfeeding than anyone else in my life. They have to understand it and know it is normal before they can support the wives/mothers in their life. My husband's support has helped me so much in getting over the few rough patches of breastfeeding.

Away for the weekend

Finally, we are going to be getting out of this little town for the weekend.

I honestly don't know why I ever thought I would settle in this place again...I am ready to run. I hated it as a teen, and I hate it now. I live in a place with no McDonalds, no SuperWalMart (not that I shop there, but just to show you how civilization has not touched this place), and no where that sells organic anything. I have to drive an hour away to get any of those things.

Okay, complaining over...for now.

Anyway we are going out of town this weekend and will be staying with my Mother-in-law (who I actually love). We are also going to to try to see an afternoon movie on Saturday, just the hubby and me. We have not had a date in forever.

Once I get back from the weekend, I am going to be taking a placement test for a work-from-home job. I really hope that I do well and get the job. A second income, even if it is not a whole lot, will really help us be more comfortable and give us some breathing room.

Have a lovely weekend everyone.

Too Much Reading...

Lately there have been articles on every aspect of child rearing/parenting floating around Facebook. I myself have posted several. Everything from car seat safety (please check the new AAP guidelines) to why I don't practice "Cry It Out" (CIO). While I find reading these articles and studies to be interesting, many moms are openly questioning their way of doing things, or admitting that reading them makes them feel guilty.

Now, we all know that studies and articles siting studies are trying to prove something. They are always going to use the evidence and words that prove their side of the argument. For instance, the the CIO debate, there are articles and studies saying that it is okay for A/B/C reasons, and another article or study that states it is harmful for A/B/C reasons. So what is a parent to do?

Follow your gut.

Chances are, if feel like you are doing the right thing by your child, you are. That is not to say that people don't make mistakes - parents do, everyday. But you have to do what you think is best for your family, situation, and the individual child. I know parents who even parent their individual children differently based on their personality and temperament.

Your personal history has alot to do with this as well. For instance, many of my generation were subjected to CIO as babies, simply because that was in fashion at the time with doctors and experts. My parents have told me stories of me being left in my crib to cry until I finally threw up. They would change me and the bed and put me right back in to continue crying. Would I ever do that? No. Maybe it is because, somewhere in my memory, I remember being left alone.

The same logic of doing what you think is best covers many areas. Are you going to have a junk food free diet for your child? Only feed organic and homemade foods? Extended breastfeeding? Even right down to where/how you give birth is a parenting decision - the first one you will ever make.

Basically, my point is this: Read and look at studies, talk to other parents, but don't let words on paper or in other's mouths judge you. Don't feel guilty for doing what you think is best.

Tear Out My Hair Day

Well, today was a tear out my hair day. This is normally caused by one of several things (or a combination):

1) Sick family
2) Sick me
3) Teething
4) Annoying Facebook comments/messages/people in general

Today it was a cranky baby. God bless my little man, but he was a cranky butt today. I think it is all the new-ness of life right now. He is almost walking, and it scares him when he forgets and lets go of the furniture and takes a step or two. He is trying to cut his "eye" teeth, which are some of the most uncomfortable and take quite a while normally. He is also just sort of needy lately, mostly for the reasons I just stated.

He basically camped out in my lap today, and didn't want to move. That is fine most of the day, but sometimes mommy has to go to the bathroom, or go make a sandwich, or check her email to see if she can finally register for her classes. Every time I had to get up, it was a complete melt down. Tears, snot, screams like he was tortured, the whole bit.

I did have a good day otherwise (and trust me, I know this is just a "season" of his time, and I am happy to comfort him). I got to register for my classes (yay...not really excited about that). I am donating breastmilk for the first time, and a friend is taking it to Memphis for me to drop off to the mom. That is will give me some freezer room...I have over 100 oz in there.

All in all a good day, but we all have times as moms (or dads) when we want to tear out our hair and wave a white flag. That was my day today.

Face Plant

Okay, prepare to judge my mom skills. Or laugh...either is fine.

Today my son was in his bouncy/jumper thingy (yes, that is the proper name for it). We have used this for months to great success. He gets to stand and bounce/jump, and I know he is in one spot so I can go to the bathroom.

Today we were doing our baby education time (signing, Your Baby Can Read, and a few other things), and he got cranky. I was just finishing an email to my professor, and told him (while sitting right by him, laptop in hand) "Hold on hun, just let mommy send this". He then stopped whining, grabbed the bars that suspend the contraption, and pulled himself out of the thing.

He then dropped right onto his face, sat up, smiled at me, and clapped.

Yes I just sat and watched. Should I have stopped him from face planting? Probably. Did I really just want to see if he could do it? Yes.

I also wanted to make damn sure that we were really done with that bouncy/jumper thingy...now I have to find something else to contain him while I rush to the bathroom to go pee.

My thoughts on ABORTION

That's right...I said it. Abortion. That thing you are not supposed to talk about. Because it makes people mad. It makes people defensive. So, I'm going to talk about it.

My basic thoughts on abortion are this: I don't agree with it for me, personally. I think that it should be reserved for A) Rape or incest cases, where the mother feels emotionally unable to carry to term; B) Major medical issues for mother or baby, meaning that mother or baby would be killed/maimed/harmed from the birth. I can say now that "I would never have an abortion", but I have also never been in a situation where I would have to consider one. If I were to find out that (God forbid) my next child were to be born with a massive physical deformity that would render their life painful, I don't know what I would do.

Now, the bigger reason that I want to discuss this.

The point of allowing abortion in the first place, was to give women the ultimate control over their body and reproduction. This allowed women to chose, safely, to not have a child that they did not want or could not take care of. Some people may not understand that stance, but that is the basis of why abortion is legal.

Now, if you take that right away, then you have to ask the question....who is in control of the woman's body? The woman? The baby? The medical world? The government? And where does that control stop? Where is the line drawn? Is birth control outlawed? Technically, you are "aborting" a pregnancy before it has a chance to start, if you think that conception is the start of life. It is common knowledge that the egg and sperm meet before the body is "pregnant" (they meet in the Fallopian tubes). The fertilized egg has to implant into the side of the uterus before the body recognizes that you are pregnant. Birth control stops an egg from being able to implant (by messing with the lining that it would implant in). So by not letting that fertilized egg implant, you are stopping that baby from growing and ultimately being born. So if abortion is outlawed, it is only one more step to outlawing birth control.

With those two steps, a woman has little control over her reproduction. Now lets take it to the next step.

A woman gets pregnant, whether on purpose or not. She receives prenatal care, and comes to the end of the journey and gives birth. How does she give birth? Can she have a home birth? Use a birth center? Use a midwife at all? Can she decide to have a Cesarean Section if that is what she wants? If we do not have control over our reproduction anymore, then who is to say that we have control over how the birth happens? Where is happens? With who?

Did you know that even now, a woman can be forced by court order to have a Cesarean Section against her will? Such as this case. There are also untold cases of women who are coerced into a cesarean by her doctor, as the stories on sites such as The Unnecesarean share from women all over. Women are basically forced by hospitals and the "establishment" to have multiple Cesareans based on guidelines given by ACOG (even though with every Cesarean, the risk of complications rises). Very few hospitals allow VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean), even though they are a much safer option for most mothers based on research. These women are forced to either go it alone or bend to the will of the doctors and hospitals if they have no other options in the area (such as a midwife who takes on VBACs).

Many states still "outlaw" homebirth, or make it very hard for midwives to practice. This means that the choice in birth is taken away for many women. If you do not have access to choice, then you have no choice.

Where do we draw the line? Where do we think that the government will draw the line? I am not willing to let them draw that line on me, my body, my baby, or my family. If agreeing to keep abortion legal and safe means that my other reproductive and bodily rights are respected, then so be it.

Can I have one please?



Fountain in Italy

 Santa, I would like one of these for my front yard. I would like one in every town, in the major shopping center, or in the middle of the mall. I would like for every mother to see this. I would like for every artist to take in the beauty and create more of it.

A nursing mother is a wonderful, beautiful image. The abundance that a woman creates is magic. Maybe if more mothers, girls, and families saw something like this, nursing rates would be better in the United States. Milk production, otherwise known as lactation, is not something to hide. It is not shameful. It should not be put in the category as the other excrement of the body. This is not "bathroom" material, this is food for babies. The natural, normal food for babies.

I posted this to my Facebook as well. I hope that it makes someone smile, giggle, blush, or even get mad. I want the world to see nursing, mommy milk, and lactation in general as normal and beautiful.

(And for the record, this picture did make me giggle. I love it.)

Almost there...

Soon 'A' will be a year old. Wow how the time has flown!

We have almost made it to a year of breastfeeding (never a drop of formula) and a year of cloth diapering. I am so excited to be able to say that we did it. Through negative comments, weird looks, and luke-warm enthusiasm for our plan, we did it.

On the just-mommy side of the world, the semester is almost over. Two exams down, two to go. I am so ready to be done.

The Countdown begins...

Less than a month to my boys 1st birthday...

This is so bittersweet. I love that he is growing and learning, but my heart aches to bring back my baby. Very rarely does he just lay in my arms and just be sweet...he now has to pull on my ears, hair, poke me, wiggle, giggle...basically anything he can do (which is alot now!).

He will be 1 on Dec 29th....right after Christmas. I think we are going to have his party the weekend after New Years though...since if you look at the calender his birthday does not fall on a convienant day. Oh well, at 1 he won't really know that.

We are having a Mickey party...Mickey is a rock star in this house. His "smash cake" will be a replica of his Mickey ear hat that we got him on his first trip to Walt Disney World (at not quite 3 months old), and I am making cupcakes for everyone else. Red, Black, and White streamers and ballons, and various Mickey themed stuff. I am looking forward to it, even if he will only remember it by pictures later in life.

Bittersweet moments. I also can not believe that it has been almost a year since his birth changed me forever. I became a mother and it sparked my passion into a full fledge flame - midwifery. His birth was so wonderful that I can't wait to be in labor and give birth again...just have to get pregnant first. (We are waiting another year or so though, dear readers...)

Time to go to bed...I have no idea why I am still up.

Like this, only without the hat and with the Micky emblem on one side, and this name on the other, like his real hat.

The Multiple Personalities of a Nursing Mother of an (Almost) Toddler

Tomorrow my son will be 11 months old. Goodness...that is so bittersweet. He is (almost) a toddler now...since I consider a toddler to be a walking baby (hence toddling along = toddler).

5am - Daddy brings in a very happy baby who is giggling and blowing raspberries while nursing. Nurses both sides and then does the little back-and-forth dance and is done. He lays down in the pack-n-play at the end of the bed and sleeps.

8:30am - I hear a crying baby in my dreams. No, wait, that is my real baby, yelling at me to get up. He nurses again on both sides, giggles and plays, and is ready to go out to the living room to say good morning to his toys and Mickey on the TV.

9:15am - I hear screaming coming from the region on my knee. I look down at my son who's face is set in a look of pure agony. He pulls on my shirt and screams at me some more. I put him on my lap and release the boobies and he nurses roughly for about 2 secs on each side and hops down. I put the boobies away and he screams at me some more.

This behavior continued until noon. He was nursing 5-7 times an hour. After his nap at noon, he was fine again. It's like this angry, rough baby steals my baby away in the late morning.

Also, when that angry, rough baby comes to play at our house a very frazzled, tired mom comes and takes my place as well. I know that loosing my patience is not nice. I feel like a bad mom. However, there are times that I simply have to let him cry a little on the floor while I creep up into a ball in the corner of the couch. This does not mean that I am ready to stop nursing...this does not mean that I am going to reach for a bottle...this does not mean that I am a bad mom. This simply means that this morning, nursing was rough. Tonight it was bliss again.

Nursing moms of rowdy babies...you are not alone. I hear you.

Almost Walking, Football, and Thanksgiving

Well our little man is almost walking. He takes a step at a time, pauses, and drops to the floor or grabs onto something. He does not like to hold our hands and walk...he is like "Dude, I can crawl faster...let me down." Our wonderful little boy is however doing chin-ups on our baby gates though, which are taller than him. Thank God we invested in strong, attached to the wall types.

Every Saturday at our house is football day...and I mean all day. Now, please don't get me wrong, I love College ball (Go Florida!), but watching random games all day is a bit much. But don't try to tell my husband that.

A's first Thanksgiving was great and he ate like a horse. We let him sort of go wild and he really did...and was put right into the bath afterwards. :) Cooking for so many people was a bit stressfull, but I enjoyed it. Just wish that I could not get behind every year. Those turkeys never want to finish in a timely manner.

We are going to start decorating for Christmas this week and next, and I think we are getting a tree over the weekend. We have to get a real tree (I'm a stickler for a real tree) and I think we may get like an eight foot one. Yay!

Applause Appreciated

*Clap* *Clap* *Clap*

Such a simple action and I cried about it today.

Mostly because it was my 10 month old son doing it.

After working on that all week with him (with him looking at me like "Mom, you have lost your mind") he clapped today! Naturally it was with Daddy, when I was off taking a test at the college. They were watching an African cultural dance performace and they started to clap and so did he. Then he turned and waved and pointed to the audiance (to make sure they knew he was there I suppose) and then went back to clapping with the performers. Daddy said he stole the show.

He is also going to sleep on his own now, no need for rocking. I cried about that tonight. I miss my little baby. I laugh and love and spout joy with every new thing he does, but I also cry a little on the inside (sometimes on the outside too) since I know that he is one step closer to not being a baby at all anymore, but a little boy.

Bittersweet.

Eye Teeth, Grumpy Babies, and a Girl Get-away

'A' is breaking through his eye teeth right now (the pointy teeth up top) and I think they are the worst so far. He normally is only grumpy for a day or so, and Advil takes the edge off and he is fine. NOT with these teeth. Wow he is cranky and clingy. I feel so bad for him, nothing seems to help.

This weekend I am going away overnight for the first time ever in his whole 10 months of being here. I am preparing like crazy for my mom and hubby to watch him (mom for the first part of the first day, then daddy that night and next day). I have more than enough milk in the freezer (over 100 oz!) but I am stressing over having to take my pump with me on this girl weekend. I am the only mom, pretty sure I am the only married one, and obviously the only one who is breastfeeding. I am pretty sure that I am going to get some weird looks for needing to run off to pump every few hours and keeping the milk in the fridge. I am going to carry my manual pump in my purse too so that I can pump to be comfortable while we are out for the night. I will have to dump that milk anyway since I am going to have a drink or two.

Here's to hoping for a fun weekend and an end to the teething.

Guess who has two thumbs and is looking for a new doctor? I am!

So finally heard back from my son's doctor. Or rather from the office of the doctor. Here is what they had to say:

1) Be more specific when you make an appt...as if "I want to see Dr. _____" is not enough.

2) We use the charts from 1982, everyone does. I am not going to look up other charts. (in other words, I am not going to research the merit of the WHO charts for breastfed babies, b/c I just don't car).

3) We always forcibly retract the foreskin at every visit to check for adhesions or infections. Never mind that the AAP does not suggest this, and many research reports. Never mind that doing that can cause adhesions and infections. Never mind that as a parent you do not want me to do that.

I am so fed up with doctors not caring enough to listen to concerns and just doing what they want to do. I am tired of them not explaining things before doing them to our babies. I am tired of being treated as crazy for being interested in my son's health apart from "whatever you think is best doctor". I have a brain, I do my research, and I am a mother who needs your brain working as well.

I am never taking him to that office again. Ever. Even if all the other's burned down or went out of business.

Come on Nurses!

We went in for little man's shots today and a well baby check up.

He is 25 and 1/2 inches long and 18 lbs 4 oz. He was born at 6 lbs 1 oz and 19 inches. He has grown so much!

The appointment was okay, but several things made me mad.

1) The nurse practitioner saw us and I was not informed we would be seeing her. I was told that we were seeing the doctor. This was our first time to this office and I would have liked to talk with the doctor to make sure we were on the same page.

2) The nurses did not know what growth charts they were using. I asked if they had access to the WHO growth charts since those are the only charts that a breastfeed baby should be measured against. (The CDC and other charts use formula fed babies as well, and they grow at different rates and eat differently.)

3) The nurse FORCIBLY RETRACTED HIS FORESKIN. I am not normally an all-caps kind of gal, but I am screaming about it in my head at the moment. When your son is not circumcised, you are NOT supposed to forcibly retract the foreskin, since it will loosen on it's own at some point after a year or two. If you pull it back before then you can cause adhesions and infections. See this Link. She was checking his pulse at the groin (which is normal) and then just suddenly grabbed his penis and forced back the foreskin before I even realized what she was doing. WHAT THE HELL.

Come on nurses! Know you stuff and don't mess with my son's foreskin. Thanks.

Milk Sisters

I have been receiving many questions from other breastfeeding mothers. Some of the moms I know, some I do not. It amazes me how breastfeeding brings women of all walks of life together. There is something to be said for the bond of milk...not just in children, but in the mothering community.

Perhaps it is knowing that they worry about the same things you do (Is my baby getting enough? How long do I need to pump for?). Perhaps it is knowing they have experienced some of the same things that you have, good and bad. Chapped or cracked nipples, thrush, clogged ducts, mastitis...all those can be a bummer but pass much faster with other mothers supporting you. The joys of watching your little nursling continue to grow from what your body gives, the smiles and milk sprayed faces, the loving pats and pokes to the breast as they nurse...there are so many joys to share.

The best advice and help I have had come my way have been from other mothers. They affirm my belief that this is the only way to feed my baby and give him the best start in life, both in health and in happiness. Groups like Le Leche League bring moms together in this country where breastfeeding moms have to actually look for each other.

One day I hope to see a nation where we do not have to search for breastfeeding mothers. One day I will see them everywhere and we will all be regarded as the keepers of the good health of the next generation. One day...

Co-Sleeping Over?

Well, I think that our major co-sleeping days with our little guy are over. At exactly nine months old, he slept through the night for the first time. He has been sleeping through the night in his crib since. He wakes up at 7am or so, and then comes to bed with me for a few more hours (since I still need my sleep!) but he sleeps on his own for 11-12 hours a night.

Honestly, I think I am mourning the loss more than he is. The first few nights I could hardly sleep because I was waiting for him to cry and need me. That has only happened twice. But I look forward to it since I can go in his room, rock with him, and have some quiet, still moments in the middle of the night.

He is so mobile and active now that quiet moments are few and far between with him during the day.

In midwifery news for me, I found a midwife in a town close to me (where I still attend college) and I have contacted them to see if they will meet with me over coffee or lunch. I really need to speak with someone in the profession face to face and bounce off my ideas about how to go about entering this work/calling/profession. I hope to hear back from them soon.

Now I need to go do laundry, finish cleaning, and make food for our football party tonight.

An update and the Musings about Becoming a Midwife

Oh goodness. Life is moving at such a pace. Our little boy is 9 months old now and let me tell you, he never stops moving. I can not turn my back for a second or he is into something or finding some lonely piece of fuzz on the floor to eat, or trying to turn off the cable box. We invested $200 in baby gates that are way beyond baby proof just to give me piece of mind to go to the restroom.

Our house is moving along at a snails pace now. We got about half the painting done and now we are at a stand still. I think we will paint the kitchen next, but we haven't bought the paint yet. We were about to, but then the hubby decided he didn't want to get it from Wal-Mart, he wanted to get it from Lowes, and well, the process just sort of stopped there.

I am really looking into beginning to contact local midwives so that I can find out my steps to becoming a midwife in this area. I really do not have access to a school near me that teaches midwifery, and we can not move to be near one (we just got done moving!). So really I want to look into doing a traditional apprenticeship (which takes about 6 years). I do have classes that I can take at the famous "Farm" (Ina May Gaskin's place) which is only an hour or so from here. At the very least that could be a starting point and then I could try to find a midwife to take me on.

I think that most of family thinks I'm nuts, and honestly I wonder if I am. I have a young baby and I really want to have more within the next 3 years and beyond (we want 4 total). However, looking at a six year run, I should start now. I was planning to become a doula to "tide me over" till I became a midwife, but I am ready to jump in. My calling feels strong and I just know that this is what God meant for me to do. So God, I am listening, promise. Just help me figure out how to go about finding a midwife crazy enough to take me on, or at least meet with me.

O Give Me A Home...

Okay well you don't have to give it to me...we have one now!

After searching and looking we find a lovely home to rent that only needed some paint and love to be up to our standards. A three/two with garage and big yard. Separate laundry too-big plus. All moms know how much laundry a family makes.

We are back in cloth diapers again, much to mine and A's satisfaction. We have moved to pockets and I love them. We have several brands and I will post reviews soon. So far we have Kawaii, Sunbaby, iCute (ebay dipe), a Goodmama One, and one Fuzzibunz.

I can't believe A will be nine months old soon. It almost breaks my heart. I look at him every day and beg him to stop growing. He has seven teeth now too! We are still Breastfeeding just fine, though he loves solid foods now too. I make almost all his food (baby bullet) but I buy some organic too. He loves the organic puffs and snacks.

I hope to be posting again on a regular basis now. Good night for now though.

Six Months

My son is six months old today. Not to brag, but we are still Breastfeeding and cloth diapering. Okay, wait, I am bragging about the Breastfeeding. Many nursing pairs don't make it this far without giving up or supplementing so I am proud. In our new town I get the "look" when we breastfeed in public and I have family members already looking for teeth or solid foods to cut the relationship short.

Off the soap box though, at six months our little boy is playing with solid foods, crawling, babbling like crazy, sitting unsupported, and has two teeth. It seems crazy that only six months ago we were at home with him not sleeping-just watching him in amazement. I had to be convinced to take a shower because I was so afraid to miss one moment.

I love my little boy and the mother he has created out of the woman I was. I love our little family. All that was created at 2:57pm six months ago.

Hurry up UPS Man...

I want the UPS man to hurry...I want my new diaper covers and pail liner. Hurry up man.

In other news, if you are in the Huntsville area, visit A Nurturing Moment. Cloth Diapers and breastfeeding stuff galore. I loved it. I will be back soon to look at night-time diapering options for our little one.

Ordering Fluff

I got to order 4 new diaper covers and a new pail liner today. We are still using our Thirties Duos since I have never had a blow out or leak in them. Just needed size twos. For the record our size ones went to about 13lbs (not the advertised 18) due to the rise. He has a long torso. I am going to post a review of the Planet Wise pail liner when I have used it a few times. I love buying fluff. :)

Doula=Midwife....Um...no?

So I went to the health department a couple of days ago to get my son's immunizations. He was about a month late getting his 4 month round due to the move. I was speaking to the nurse that was giving the shots, and she pointed out that it would not bother her for me to nurse my son after his shots and that she breastfed her children. Well, here I am thinking...Awesome!, this is an open-minded lady (which no one else at the health department seemed to be).

I asked her about how to best reach out to the large community of pregnant teens in our area to offer my doula services (which I will do for free for teen or military moms). She said "Well, most are on Medicaid, so they can have an M.D....they don't need a doula." I was confused, since I don't know what having a doctor has to do with labor support. After a few more exchanges, I realized that she thought a doula is a midwife! While I would love to be a midwife, a doula is nothing close to a midwife.

I explained this difference and she seemed to understand a bit better, but then started to ask why you need more than your husband (this said after she told me how much her husband annoyed her during her births).

I think that educating this area on what a doula is will be more of an uphill battle than I anticipated.

Teething...oh joy

Our little one has started teething in earnest these past few days. We had drool and lots of hand chomping before, but the past few days have been miserable. It is so sad...he still wants to laugh and play, but looks at me and just wimpers...he is so uncomfortable.

A neat thing we have found is the mesh feeder/teether...I put crushed ice in it and it gives him a few minutes of relief when nothing else is working. Other than that, Humphrey's Teething Tablets and occational Tylonol is what is keeping us going.

Any suggestions would be lovely. The teeth seem almost through, but just won't break through already...I wish they would hurry up so he can feel better.

Become the Change You Wish to See

I think that "being the change" is a pretty common saying...but how many people actually do it? I am compelled, pulled, destined to become the change that is needed in MS with concerns to midwifery.

As of right now, there are 12 midwives that "admit" to practicing in the state of Mississippi. Here is the thing about MS right now...anyone can call themselves a midwife. I could put an add in the paper tomorrow advertising myself as a midwife if I wanted (though, trust me, I am not going to). This is not the safest of situations.

Now in 2010 a bill was put forward that did not go into law...thank God. It basically stated that only licenced Nurse-Midwives would be allowed in the state, and only hospital births allowed being closely overseen by doctors. In other words, home birth would become illegal (as it is in Alabama...another bone of contention with me, since I go to school in Alabama). Direct-entry midwives would be in danger of being arrested and charged with the felony of "practicing medicine" without a licence. (By the way, midwives do not, nor pretend to, practice "medicine"). But as I said, this bill died in committee.

This year, a much better bill was put forward at the urging of those 12 midwives and their many supporters in the state. This bill would require all Direct-Entry Midwives (also known as "lay" midwives) to register with NARM (North American Registry of Midwives). Doing this would require them to take a test, both written and practical, and stay current with their registration (every 3 years I believe). They would also register with the Health Department and submit records for the public to access through the DOH. The bill "died" this year, but received quite a bit of attention, which perhaps will help next year.

This bill would have done several things. The most important being that women choosing a midwife would know what her education and qualifications are. She would be able to see their history of births and outcomes and make an educated decision. The next thing it would do is protect the art of midwifery in the state. Midwives kicked out of other areas for bad outcomes would not be able to come to Mississippi expecting to hide (as they could now, since there is no regulation). Midwives would also be protected from arrest and prosecution, which has been a problem in other states where the situation is similar to ours.

The issue is this. Women in this state need to write, call, email, and generally badger their representative. Many people, and especially many of the men in the legislature have no idea about the benefits of midwifery or the need for the service they provide. If they are not presented with the information they may never look for it themselves. It is our job as thinking women to help them gain the knowledge. Perhaps next time a bill comes forward to help midwifery, they will remember a letter from us and know what they are voting for.

So, women of Mississippi (and everywhere really) stand up! Shout! Make noise! You may feel like one drop of water in the ocean, but waves are made up of drops of water. Lets become the wave that washes out the bad birth vibes in this state and improve the outcomes for mothers and babies.

Hopes

I hope:

That I am a good mother
That I am a good wife
That I create a loving "bubble" around me
That I remember my friends and call them enough
I go to Paris one day
That I get my doula business off the ground in the next year
That I get an etsy store started
To have 4...maybe 5 kids
I create a good impression
I change the world, one birth at a time
To meet Ina May and have her as my midwife for my next baby
To have a homebirth, legally!, in the state of AL or MS, meaning I need to start badgering the legislature

What do you hope for?

Home again, Home again, Jiggity Jig

I now live back at home. It is so nice to be back home...it is an adjustment, being an adult in my parents house, but it is nice to have the help. My husband is looking for work here, and then we will get our own roof over our head.

Me, Myself, and I

Over the course of this last school semester I have taken a class titled "Entrepreneurial Marketing." I was expecting a course based on marketing a business that was created by me or someone I am working for (such as a "mom and pop"). However, in the process of this class we have learned an even more important skill: how to market ourselves. Being an entrepreneur is really about marketing yourself, and our instructor has tried to point us in the right directions about how to do that.

As I have mentioned in the blog before, I plan to become a doula over the next year. This line of work is basically all about marketing me as a woman and a support system. If I do not show people my true self, I will not get many clients. So world, here it is...a little about myself and my skills.

I truly believe that my greatest strength is my passion. I have a passion for the things that stir my blood, make me think, and bring a fire to my soul. Pregnancy and Childbirth do that to me. Knowing that we mothers and women are part of a sisterhood spanning back to Eve makes me feel so small, yet so powerful. In our bodies we have ability to help God create a miracle. Childbirth is the greatest gift that a women can give to herself and the world...new life, a new soul.

The passion that I have for this area simply brings out my other strengths. For instance, I am very creative. Creativity and the willingness to "step outside the box" is very helpful in childbirth. For instance, during the birth of my son I was looking for a way to focus on something other than the contractions...I ended up having my husband pour ice-cold water slowly down my face during each one while I was in the hot bath. The cold water was more than enough to help me stay in the moment and focus on something else. Being comfortable with unorthodox methods will help me to be able to suggest things to women in labor, giving them relief during a moment of weakness.

My stubborn ways will also be an asset to myself and the mothers I serve. Being able to stand up for the woman and her birth will help protect the "bubble" of safety and calm needed to have a peaceful, easy birth. This stubborn nature will also help me to work my way into a system that in many ways still views childbirth as a dangerous and painful process. Breaking into an area where the natural process of birth is not respected is an uphill battle at times and requires a stout heart.

Through my experiences and the experiences of other mothers I hope to move this nation one step closer to a normal birth community, one that is already in place in many other countries. Somewhere along the road of medical advances, maternity care hit into high gear and began to forget to ask itself one simple question: "Does this technology actually improve normal birth for the mother or baby?" Unfortunately, many of the things that are "normal" now in hospital delivery rooms are not improving the outcome for the mother or baby. Through my skills as a doula and the platform of education that it provides, I hope to reach out to communities and bring normal birth back to its rightful place.

I know that with my passion and knowledge of this wonderful process, I can change lives. I can change the lives of mothers. I can change the lives of fathers, families, and babies. I can change the opinions of nurses and doctors. I can slowly, one baby at a time, change the world of childbirth in this country. I hope that you will join me.

If you are interested in this "world" please feel free to contact me or search these other sources.

One World Birth Site

DONA International Site, for more information on doulas

A book that changed my life and my birth experience

Also, Please watch this video! It shows the movement that is happening in this country and across the world. This is what I am working towards. One grain of sand, one drop of water...slowly but surely we will change the world of birth.

 One World Birth Trailer

Growing Love Birth Services

What do you think? That is going to be the name of my Doula service/business.

Yep. I am going to start my certification process this summer. I am so excited. I would love to become a midwife, but with the malpractice insurance situation in the country, it is a hard thing to get into financially. Being a doula allows me to be "up close and personal" with birth and with birthing women.

Women in this country need more support than ever now...not becuase we have grown weaker, but becuase the health care system has totally taken away the rights and autonomy of the pregnant and birthing woman. I want to be part of what changes that. I can change the outcome for individual women and I can take a larger stand in the birthing community. I am so looking forward to this!

I am going to start with doula certification (through CBI) and then I will work on my childbirth education certification. Until I have that, I will offer one-on-one childbirth education sessions with my clients to answer any questions they may have.

I'm so excited! Here is my logo:

Do you see the relation to my background on this blog? That is where I got the name from--the picture I took of my painted belly when I was pregnant with my son. And his birth opened my eyes to my calling. It all comes full circle.

Family

Why is it that when we become adults we assume we can do this on our own?

Granted, when it was only my husband and I we had things under control. Living far from home was exciting and wonderful. We could visit when we wanted but had our space, our own city, our own state.

Then we started a family. From the moment I saw the positive I wanted my mom and dad. I never really envisioned having a family without them. I miss them so much my stomach hurts and I want to cry at sappy commercials.

I have learned you are never to old for family.

A Beautiful Time

I just had the most wonderful nursing session with my son.

Breastfeeding is always a bonding experience, but sometimes he just melts into me and we look into each other's eyes, and I just feel so....I don't know. Like Mother Earth I suppose. I feel like I am the center of his world and that I am directly making him grow and thrive.

Breastfeeding is an art, and one that has to come from the heart. I think that breastfeeding truely feeds the baby and the mother, the tummy and the soul.

Nipplephobia

I was re-reading Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding last night (my little one is getting a lazy latch lately), and I came upon the chapter where she speaks about "nipplephobia" in the United States. I couldn't agree more.

Did you know that the government set a goal that 50% of all babies would still be breastfed at 6 months by 2010. Needless to say that did not happen. Currently only about 20%-30% are still breastfed at 6 months. Why would the government set a goal like this and not do anything to help make it happen?

44 states have laws that "allow" mothers to breastfeed anywhere public or private. But only 28 of those states exempt breastfeeding from being grouped into indecent exposure in public. Only Puerto Rico has a law stating that most public places (shopping malls, airports, public government buildings, etc) have separate facilities for breastfeeding and diaper changing that is not in a restroom. In hospitals, mothers are bombarded with formula "gifts" and advertising, and many hospitals do not suggest breastfeeding as the best food for baby. Formula companies somehow get the addresses of mothers and send formula to our homes. I received so much formula at my house, and I never requested any or signed up for "free giveaways" for other baby items.

Breastfeeding is treated as a lifestyle choice instead of a normal, natural process. Breastfeeding is viewed as a hassle by most of the nation. Even worse - breasts are so sexualized in this country that women are made to feel ashamed by feeding their baby in public. This is where "nipplephobia" comes in.

Even here in Florida (where the law has been in place since 1993), where breastfeeding is protected there are stories on the news several times a year about a mother being asked to leave an area to feed her child. These are stories of women who fight back and stand their ground. It makes me wonder how often it happens and women don't do anything.

The discrimination is not only from employees in restaurants or lifeguards at pools. The discrimination also comes from the most unlikely source - other mothers! I have heard from so many mothers that they have been asked to cover up or go the restroom because another mother does not want "her child to see that." How hard would it be for the mother to say that "the baby is eating, since that is where babies get milk from." Most children would just say "okay" and go on with playing. Even if they did ask more questions, breastfeeding is a natural process that children should grow up comfortable with. (We don't stick to babies coming from the stork anymore do we?). If a new generation was raised in a breastfeeding environment, breastfeeding rates would skyrocket when that generation had children.

I wish I could organize a national "nurse-in" and have nursing mothers everywhere unite! Down with the sexualization of breasts, and in with nursing!

Cough...Cough...Cough

I am sick...yep. It's official.

No fever, and no sign of strep so I think it may just be a slight cold.

I would like to thank my Mother-In-Law for coming down to vacation sick without warning us (she said it was allergies...turns out it wasn't) and getting my husband and I sick.

I just praise God that our son has not gotten sick. Things hit babies so much worse than adults.

Send feel-good vibes my way...I need them!

Rock-a-by and Goodnight

You know, what you do with your child at night is a heated debate with people who do not live with you, or even know you. If you co-sleep (as we do), you ruffle feathers, if you don't, you upset someone else. If you nurse to put your baby to sleep, or use a swing, you get looks...using a paci, a noise machine...well, you get the picture...you always upset someone.

Why is it that how my baby sleeps, where, when, and how long is a subject worth discussing with everyone who looks at my child?

I will admit, that I have just started to tell people that he is a miracle baby who sleeps through the night, on his own, at 12 weeks old. It is no use to tell people that his stomach is not big enough to hold a full night's food in it, or that I really don't mind being woken up to nurse (since we are both only half awake and just doze off in the process anyway).

The piece of advice I hate the most: give him cereal. (Sorry if I offend anyone...or if the person who keeps giving me that advice reads this). He is not ready for cereal. No matter how many times I repeat that the doctor says no solids (including runny cereal) until six months...the advice is repeated like a broken record.

So next time that advice or any other little gem is given to me I will smile and say "I'll give that a try" and hope they don't see through the veneer of a smile or the notice the sarcasm. So mommas...goodnight...and send your baby to dreamland in any way you wish...you won't get advice from me.

The Mommy Club

So I am realizing more and more that I have been inducted into a society...a club...a sorority. The "Mommy Club". All of a sudden, no matter where I go, other moms talk to me, give me (usually unwanted) advice, compare baby size/sleep patterns, ask me personal questions...I didn't realize that all of a sudden this was all okay.

Now don't get me wrong, saying "Hi" to other moms in the store doesn't always irk me, but all the time? Just once I would like to go into the store and back out without a conversation with someone I don't know. And to ask questions like "Are you breastfeeding?" or "Did you heal okay?" when I just met you in the soup aisle...that is a bit weird for me.

So if you are "that mom", please don't be offended...just think about how weird a question like that is when I don't know you...at all.

The Clown Show

I got an inspiration while reading "O" magizine. (I am normally not a magazine reader, but this month's "O" is about organization...which I need in a major way).

One of the articles in the magazine talks about the crazy life that most of us lead...the "clown show" that we call life.

What would we say if we could watch ourselves...cleaning up poop explosions (which I did twice this morning), bouncing around and dancing like a crazy person with a baby on your hip, trying to balance school, work, and home...making time for a distracted husband who will not get off his phone, remembering to call my parents, getting ready for a vacation that the funds have disappeared for...

This is the crazy thing we call life. If I were looking in from the outside, I would pity the women I saw most days. However, looking at it from a personal perspective, we all do the best we can. Some days I am put together and sane looking and my hair gets brushed...other days I wake up and can't even remember how the baby got into the bed with us when I last remember him being in his swing.

I think what the "O" writer meant by "clown show" is that we try to fit alot of life into each day...and sometimes it doesn't all fit. But when it does, it makes us smile and laugh, and that makes it all worth while.

Immunizations and Mommy Guilt

Well, our little one got his first set of shots today...I was so not looking forward to that. (And just as a side note, I respect the decision of those parents who choose not to vax, I don't judge, so please don't blast this). He has already had a rough week or so since he was sick last week and needed an IV and lots of ultrasounds at the hospital...and then we take him to the doctor and he gets poked more. His little face and the cry was a heart breaking moment. But, I am not so worried about having him around people now.

I didn't know that they now do a vaccine for Rota Virus, but I am super happy about it. I remember my little brother being hospitalized with Rota Virus and it was so hard for him to bounce back from it. Our doctor said that it has almost made his "diarrhea business" disappear, which is very, very good news for us moms.

Now after the vaccines he is sleeping like a...well...baby. He just wakes to eat and get a diaper change, and then drifts off to sleep again. If he is still super sleepy tomorrow, I may call the doctor, but for today, I think he is just trying to process what a tough day it was.

So, though I feel a bit of guilt over letting them stick my little boy, I feel like I am doing the best thing for him. That is all that can be asked of mothers, right?

Alone and Together

Two revelations for today.

One: I feel alone, but I am never alone. Two: I need people to be "together" with.

As for the first revelation...I had a bit of a breakdown today. I am a stay-at-home mom, which is such a blessing (especially in this economy) and I would not want to change that for anything. I am starting to realize more and more each day how much work being a mother is. Not so much in the physical tasks (though my back does hurt more than it ever has), but the emotional tasks. When I am not directly taking care of my son, I am taking care of the house or working on school on the computer. When that is done I try to take a shower...maybe have some food other than crackers (or other one handed/no preparation foods).

When my husband is home he tries to take over on the child-care side of things, but that is normally when I have to take a test or fold the laundry. By the time that is done, my son is hungry again, and we sit down to nurse. Most days it seems like a never-ending cycle, which would explain why I can't keep track of what day of the week it is. Even when I have no school work, and the house is clean, and my husband is watching our son...I forget to have "me" time. I am to the point of having to be reminded to have alone time. I think that is one of the reasons I started this blog...to remind myself to have some "me" time.

As for the second revelation: I need people to be "together" with. Though I need "me" time, I also need friend time. I used to get this when I worked; I would go out with the girls after work or go to the theme parks with them (I worked at both Disney and Universal). We don't live near family anymore, so I don't have my mom and dad around (who I am very close with). All of our friends left our town about the same time we did, so even if we did move back, there is no one there. I just need some social time...I don't really need a new best friend or anything, but just some other couples to be social with.

Those are my thoughts for the day...oh, and that I wish my husband didn't like American Idol...three nights a week of taking over the TV is a bit much.

A Movie and an Impulse Purchase

Last night I woke up with horrible stomach cramps...it was like contractions, only worse, and in the wrong place. I am rather sure I had food poisoning. I threw up and threw up for over an hour, and then laid and moaned for another hour while my stomach just cramped. It finally let up, but it was really not a pleasant experience. Luckily I am better now.

Since I was sick last night, we took it easy today, and ended up going out for our first movie since our son was born. This has been a big gap in our life, since normally my husband and I see a movie almost every week. We both worked at a movie theater at one point, so we had free movies for so long that we just got used to seeing everything. We saw Gnomeo & Juliet, and had the theater all to ourselves, so the little bit of fussing our little one did didn't matter. It was nice to feel sort of normal again, and just see a movie.

We then went to an art store here in town, and I made an impulse purchase...yes, yes, an impulse purchase. You see, since before he was born, I have had my eye on this print called "Dancing Bears" for his nursery. Well, the print was cheap ($30, and it is quite large), but I needed a frame. Wouldn't you know, they do custom frames there. Before I knew it, I was spending $140 to frame this print...

I know, I know...why would I pay that much...I don't know. It is adorable...the colors are the same as the scheme I am using, and it is just whimsical. Plus, I can put it out in our house after he is done with it. It is actually a very famous painting and not meant to be "kiddy". Should I have done it...probably not...will it bother me for days...probably. But it is done now, and you know what, it is going to look adorable over his crib.

A wonderful quote for the day: "Sometimes, the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." - Winnie the Pooh. I think that is the perfect quote for moms.

Such a long day...

Such a long day today. Up at 6am to go and oversee the youth breakfast fundraiser we do each month with our youth group. For one reason or another, only one of our kids showed up to help, and she showed up late. I understand that teenagers are not the most responsible people in the world...but if they want to take big trips, they need to come help raise the money...

Okay...that is my rant for the day.

We got a changing table today off craigslist...and the mom we got it from was so sweet. It was only $15, and yes, it needs a little touch-up paint (it's white), but I like projects like that anyway. Let me tell you, a changing table makes cloth diapering so much more organized. And now I have my bathroom counter back, since that is where everything was sprawled out before.

Also got our little man a Bumbo today...what an amazing little piece of awesome. He loves to sit up, and can hold his head up really well, but we have to hold him up still, since he wobbles. The Bumbo lets him sit up all by himself, and he seems very pleased. He sort of looked suprised to be sitting up and seeing me on the other side of the room.

Well, no deep thoughts for the day...but I have not really had much sleep. Good night world, and enjoy the Oscars!

Everything and Nothing

Today, as I was thinking about how my day was going...I realized something. This new life is everything I wished for, and at the same time, nothing like I expected.

I love the baby smiles, the baby laughs, the baby smell. I love having someone to cuddle with during the day (other than my cranky cat). My heart swells with love and pride every time I hold him. I look into his eyes and see my future, his future, and my little piece of immortality. We have created our own fortress against the world...a family. All of this is what I hoped for, and dreamed of when I thought about the children we would have.

But somehow, this new chapter in my life is also nothing like I thought it would be. Now, don't misunderstand me...I expected the dirty diapers, breastfeeding, crying, and lack of sleep. I have younger siblings that I helped take care of (one of my brothers is only 9 years old). Those are not the things that I am referring too. Rather, it is the feeling that all of this is somehow not real. I look at myself in the mirror and some days, I don't see a mother staring back at me. Sometimes I feel like someone is going to rush in and take over, and tell me that I have only been babysitting.

I wonder when the switch is going to flip to full-blown mother. When he starts to crawl, walk, talk? When I start to teach him new things? Will I finally get that feeling when I am taking him to his first day of school?

Motherhood is not just a new chapter in our lives...it is a feeling. And right now, some days I have it, and some days I don't. So even though I am enjoying every second of this journey...I wonder when I will start to feel like I am moving down the tracks?

Suprise!

Poop...poop...poop. Runny poop, orange poop, green poop, poopy diapers, and my favorite sub-species, the suprise poop.

This morning while changing my sons diaper, he pooped. Not just a little, no, it was alot. I removed his diaper, and he pooped all over the changing pad. So you know what I did...laughed (and then made sure he was done before I attempted to clean up).

As a first time mother I am honestly suprised by how much of my day revolves around poop. Cleaning it up, looking at the color, the consistancy, and counting how many times he does poop.

Why is it that when you become a mother seeing poop on your hand is just part of the job? Before becoming a mother, if I discovered poop on my hand, I would have freaked out and bathed my hand in sanitizer. However, I find poop on my hand all the time now (or on my shirt, or pants, or the couch, sheets, etc). Somehow, birthing a child creates an ammunity to the freak-out normally accociated with poop. So as mothers, we calmly wash our hands, change the diapers, and laugh at all the poop in our lives.

My little poop maker

Oh the Fluff!

Cloth diapering is going really well for us so far. No blowouts, even with his BF poos. (By the way, I don't think that non-moms understand how many times a day moms talk about poop)

However, even though I really don't have an issue with prefolds/covers, which is all we use, and want to add a layer of absorbancy without adding bulk. I am considering making some inserts/doublers from microfiber, and just sandwiching that in some natural fiber (cotton, bamboo, etc). That way I have another layer, but it would be thin.

I am also playing with the idea of making my own fitted type dipes. Maybe not with elastic and what not, but at least trim and fitted to him. I know some people use their favorite sposie as a pattern for a good fitted.

We also used his Swaddlebee's fleece cover for the first time today. I loved it! I wish they still made those (I got these on clearance from this store for $5 a few months back). I am going to keep an eye on ebay and diaperswappers for people selling them. I just love how soft the fleece is...it is the ultimate 'fluffy' feeling.

My guilty pleasure purchase for the day was some baby leg warmers. I know that most people use babylegs, but a friend of a friend suggested My Little Legs. Cheaper, and I think they have cuter patterns.

An Introduction

Hello fellow mommas. My name is Samantha, and I am your guide to my crazy life. I have always found an outlet in writing, and I don't think that becoming a mother should change that. However, finding time to write now comes between naps, diapers, and nursing.

I won't go into a huge history of myself, but I will mention what is relevant to my daily life. I have been married to my husband for a bit over two years now, and we had our first child in December. I am still in school, though I have no idea why...I suppose I just don't want to stop going. I take a full-time schedule all online, and between that, my family, and my youth minister job, I stay rather busy.

As far as our child-raising bits and bobs...we cloth diaper, baby-wear, co-sleep, exclusively breastfeed, and practice attachment parenting. I might end up homeschooling our children, but I hope that we can find a way to send them to private school.

My basic reason for starting this blog is to have an outlet, but I hope that it can become more than that. I hope to share my life in a special way, with all the other moms out there. I know that being a SAHM can feel like a bubble...a bubble filled with baby laughter and joy, but also sometimes with loneliness and headaches. I am going to try to be as honest and open as possible in this documentation of our daily life. My only request is that people comment, I love to share thoughts and ideas and hope to reach out in a real way.